I Hope They Made Sure God Was on Board With This

…before they paid for the info-mercial programming time.

Have an Almighty Cleanse! Have a normal bowel movement.”

I wish I could say I made this up. And it is everything and every bit as bad as what you thought the second you read it.
Only holier. Drano for Christian colons.

Man, He’s gonna be pissed if they didn’t get an ‘okay’.
UPDATE: Dear Gunslinger: Holy CRAP. Thanks for finding it.

…When leprous Naaman dipped in the Jordan River 7 times (2 Kings 5: 10-14), he was healed through “hydrotherapy.” Jesus put clay on a blind man’s eyes and cured him (John 9:6-7) and thus sayeth Danny, “…the clay has drawing powers. It’s a great absorbent to the alimentary canal of toxins.” Vierra proudly announces that the same kind of clay Jesus used is in the Almighty Cleanse product!
And I think in one of the Gnostic gospels Jesus tosses a clump of clay to a guy with smelly feet and tells him, “Blow it out your colon.”

And ‘Christians’ wonder where the bad rap comes from…

If Bingley Was a ‘Researcher’

…he’d sound like this.

…”Well, why shouldn’t we feed them, if they’re really so hungry?” he says, hankering for the days when he was allowed to take to the ice with a bottle of Scotch (for himself) and a tub of lard (for the bears).

Oh, for the civilized days of yesteryear.

“Who Say Dat?” Quote of the Day

“These are the kinds of things I’ve been talking about all of my life. Now, if the American people have other priorities, if they want someone who smiles a lot more than I do, or someone who is a better quipster than I am, who has no experience in these areas, that’s for the American people to decide.”

!

A Fun ‘Fill in the Blank’ For You!!

Complete this sentence:

“A new species of _____ ________ _____ is exciting and reinforces the obvious – that there have to be many other unreported species but hundreds are being lost as their habitats disappear under the continued mismanagement of our planet,”

You get a Chocolate Cream-Filled Dunkin’ Donut if you guessed:

Giant Spitting Cobra!

But, like, who wouldn’t have?

Hmmm, Since I Missed Out On The Lioness…

Maybe I can pick this up for my Bride

1279 Magna Carta expected to fetch $30 million
NEW YORK (AP) — In the year 1215, a group of English barons handed King John a document written on parchment. Put your royal seal on this, they said. John did, and forever changed the relationship between the monarchy and those it governed.
The document was the Magna Carta, a declaration of human rights that would set some of the guiding principles for democracy as it is known today.
While that original edict was initially ignored and John died the next year, its key ideas were included in other variations over the next few decades, most notably the right of Habeas Corpus, which protects citizens against unlawful imprisonment.
More than 800 years later, about 17 copies survive, and one of those, signed by King Edward I in 1297, will go up for sale December 18 at Sotheby’s.
The document, which Sotheby’s Vice Chairman David Redden calls “the most important document in the world,” is expected to fetch a record $20 million to $30 million.
While earlier versions of the royal edict were written and then ignored, Redden said, “the 1297 Magna Carta became the operative version, the one that was entered into English common law and became the law of the land,” ultimately affecting democracies around the world.
Today, its impact is felt by perhaps a third of the world’s people, he said. This includes all of North America, India, Pakistan, much of Africa, Australia and other areas that made up the British Commonwealth.
“When it’s something as enormously important as this, you try to get a handle on it,” he said. “It is absolutely correct to say the Magna Carta is the birth certificate of freedom. It states the bedrock principle that no person is above the law — that is the essence of it.”
Only two copies of the Magna Carta exist outside Britain, one in Australia and the one Sotheby’s is auctioning off.
An earlier Magna Carta version was loaned by Britain to the United States for its bicentennial celebration in 1976, but suggestions that it be made a permanent gift were rejected.
The 1279 Magna Carta was forced on Edward I by barons unhappy over taxes imposed to pay for his military campaigns in France, Wales and against Scottish rebel William Wallace. The levies were approved in the king’s absence by his 13-year-old son, Prince Edward.
Written in medieval Latin on sheepskin that after 710 years remains intact and legible, the 1297 Magna Carta was owned for five centuries by a British family that put it up for sale in the early 1980s.
From 1988 until a few months ago, it was exhibited in a custom-designed, gold-plated container at the National Archives in Washington, a few feet from its direct descendants, the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution.
“As the only non-American document in there, many would love to see it go back” on display, said Redden, who will wield the hammer. He said the auction will be open to the public, but being a single lot sale, might not take longer than five minutes.

What a neat piece of history. I’d love for our government to frankly buy it. It would be a much better use of our tax money than the $70 million that Congress just spent on jets for themselves.
Now, I posted the full text of the article for two reasons. First, we were in DC this summer and actually saw this document, and it was very cool.
Second, with all we’ve been hearing from MSM folks about how professional they are and how many layers of checks and well-trained controls they have over us pajama types you’d think the all these highly trained competent fonts of veracity at CNN and the AP would be able to decide amongst themselves if this Magna Carta dates from 1279 or 1297.

Man, Is Gaia Pissed At These Fools

And she lets them know
BALI, Indonesia (AP) — An earthquake on Friday rattled Indonesia’s resort island of Bali, where thousands of people were gathering for a U.N. climate change conference. There were no immediate reports of damage or injuries.

The 5.4-magnitude tremor was centered 150 miles southwest of Bali, the U.S. Geological Survey said on its Web site. It struck around 6 miles beneath the ocean floor.
The quake could be felt in Bali, where more than 10,000 people were attending a two-week conference about rising global temperatures, which scientists say could lead to severe droughts and flooding, melting ice caps and rising seas, and the extinction of animals.
The walls and floors of massive tents set up in a sprawling complex of five-star hotels shook for around 10 seconds, but officials said they did not have any reports of injuries or damage. The quake was not strong enough to trigger a tsunami warning.

It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature.

May We Never Forget

The Day Of Infamy.

Remind Me Again How Evil The US Is?

Since 1976 the various US states have executed 1099 convicted murderers.
Since 1979 Iran has executed and estimated 4000 gays and lesbians, simply for being gay (the number of murderers executed is unknown but assumed by most observers to be rather large).
As Lawhawk points out, when you’re dealing with a religion that gives the rape victim 200 lashes and prevents teenage girls from leaving a burning school to “protect their modesty” this is not to surprising.
But yeah, let’s allow them to build a bomb.

Something We Can All Get

behind.

I See Happy Voters

…streaming to the polls.

Pentagon Says 200,000 Workers Could Receive Pink Slips for Christmas
Federal employees who work for the Army may get layoff notices before Christmas if Congress and the White House do not reach an accord on funding for the Iraq war, the Pentagon said yesterday.
The warning, posted near the top of the Defense Department’s Web site, was the latest in a series from Pentagon officials in recent weeks.
About 100,000 federal employees and an additional 100,000 contract workers are at risk of being sent home without pay in February and March if the Army and Marine Corps run short of money and have to reduce operations at their bases, according to the Pentagon.
Under federal rules, the department must give 60 days’ advance notice of layoffs to employees — which, in this case, would make for a less-than-glad tiding for the holidays.

Guess the Democrats don’t remember how that worked for Republicans in ’95-’96. (Collective amnesia can be a wonderful thing.) Perhaps it’s not coincidence that the M-W Word of the Day was:

Locofoco \loh-kuh-FOH-koh\ noun
1 : a member of a radical group of New York Democrats organized in 1835 in opposition to the regular party organization
*2 : a member of the Democratic party of the United States

They’re claiming the ‘loco’ has its origins in “locomotive” (which was commonly taken to mean “self-propelled,” though “loco” actually means “place,” not “self,” in Latin).
I know better.

About Those ‘Soldier’ Cards in the Emails?

When you are making out your Christmas card list this year, please include the following:
A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20307-5001
If you approve of the idea, please pass it along to your e-mail list.

Well, don’t.

It’s a great idea, but unfortunately if you send something addressed this way, it won’t be delivered. So please, don’t forward this email.
The U.S. Postal Service will not deliver any letter, post card, or package that is not addressed to a specific individual. Anything sent to “A Recovering Soldier,” “Any Wounded Soldier,” or “Any Service Member” is unacceptable.
“We cannot accept any mail that is not specifically addressed to an individual or an organization at the medical center,” says Deputy Public Affairs Officer Terry Goodman.
Sometimes one of these letters will make it through to the medical center. If that happens, it is returned to sender.

Lots of bona fide alternatives at the end of the article.

A Gentle Reminder For Those Who Natter About Osama Bin Laden

There’s a pair we’ve been after for longer, in a smaller place…

Bosnian Serb warcrime suspects Karadzic, Mladic evade capture
International forces in Bosnia staged a raid Thursday in the hunt for genocide suspect Radovan Karadzic, as a Serbian prosecutor said Ratko Mladic — Karadzic’s main war crimes accomplice — remained elusive.
In a pre-dawn operation, troops from the European Union and NATO searched the home of an associate of former Bosnian Serb political leader Karadzic, who along with his former military chief Mladic is one of the most wanted men in Europe.

…and damned if they just don’t scamper out of harm’s way every time. They never caught Mengele either, come to think of it, and not for lack of resources

Am I Insensitive When I Wish With ALL MY HEART


…that they CATCH these little egg happy rat bastards? And that, when they DO, they get pelted with dozens of those same avian ovum bomblettes and that their sticky, dripping albumin coated bodies are then strung up on the Tree of Woe?

Am I too harsh, ya think?

If You’re Like Me And Only Have $56 Million Spare Cash…

Then we’re both out of luck on this stocking stuffer

NEW YORK (AFP) – A tiny and extremely rare 5,000-year-old white limestone sculpture from ancient Mesopotamia sold for 57.2 million dollars in New York on Wednesday, smashing records for both sculpture and antiquities.
The carved Guennol Lioness, measuring just over eight centimeters (3 1/4 inches) tall, was described by Sotheby’s auction house as one of the last known masterworks from the dawn of civilization remaining in private hands.


Rats. Well, I guess it’s back to Best Buy for me then.

Motivation

…is a powerful tool. (Plus, when LCpls sit around, they always get into trouble.)

…Conway hinted at those differences, saying Marines prefer serving under fire in a combat zone to performing nation-building duties in Iraq. He said that in his meeting with Gates on this subject last week, Gates understood Conway’s thinking.
“He’s heard anecdotal reports that lance corporals are complaining that they don’t have anybody to shoot” in the newly peaceful Anbar, where most Marines are operating, Conway said.

Imagine that! A general who has the courage to acknowledge that Marines might even look forward to a good rumble. How politically incorrect…insensitive, even.

…”My point to (Gates) is that, if and when we are able to continue our drawdown in Iraq and it comes time for Marine units to start leaving the country, … should we bring them home or should we start looking at putting them where there is still an active fight; in this case, Afghanistan? And we were prepared to do that.”

I’ll bet.

And always prepared (as the Marine in the video says) to do “the one thing we do extremely well: take care of each other.”

[Fallujah]… I was particularly struck by two kinds of stories recounted over and over: tales of wounded Marines–many badly wounded and eligible for medical evacuation–struggling to get back into battle, and tales of senior officers joining privates and corporals on the firing line. On April 9, 2003, for instance, [MajGen] “Mad Dog” Mattis was late to a meeting with senior brass because he had stopped his command convoy to help a small patrol reduce a house from which they had taken machine-gun fire. West quotes a gunnery sergeant:

“The general flanked the hajis from the south.”

It is hard to imagine an Iraqi general–or a general in just about any other army in the world–risking his neck in this manner. Such stories demonstrate the Corps’s egalitarian ethos, and go a long way toward explaining its sky-high morale and superb fighting quality.

Ugly Omar should be sending Gates a big poppy bouquet in thanks.

Next Time ~ BeFORE You Put Your Sharpie

…to the cardboard box your copy of “You Might Be a Redneck” came in ~ Google the guy.

…One man was carrying a sign calling Thompson a “carpetbagger,” but when he realized Thompson is from Tennessee, he put it away.

Stay Tuned for: “The Surge Hasn’t Accomplished It’s Goals

…and the war economy is lost” from our feckless Senate leader.

Futures jump on strong economic data
Wall Street rose sharply higher in early trading Wednesday after a pair of reports indicated the economy is in good shape but also left open the possibility of an interest rate cut.
…Investors were also encouraged Wednesday after the department reported worker productivity advanced by an annual rate of 6.3 percent in the summer, the fastest pace in four years, while wage pressures eased.

Along with

Private employers added 189,000 jobs in November, a report by a private employment service said on Wednesday, much higher than market expectations and the biggest monthly increase in a year.
…The ADP report suggests Friday’s closely watched payrolls report from the government, which includes public and private sector hiring, could be much stronger than expected.

One prescient presidential candidate

…warned Sunday that the U.S. economy would collapse unless Americans learned to make economic sacrifices.
“I think the economy is standing on a trap door, and I don’t know that we necessarily hold the levers,”…
…After blasting the president for the exploding national debt, the top Democrat boasted that his predecessor – her husband – “did it just right.”
“The deficit reduction act didn’t get one single Republican vote. He took on the gun lobby with the Brady bill. He took on health care,” she declared.

…got it wrong in 2005, but is still singing the same tune today.

Ailing Economy Needs Steady, Experienced Hand (Me), Clinton Says

Actually, it seems to be a choral arrangement

…”It’s time for that to change. It’s time for Americans to have a president in the Oval Office who makes decisions based on their interest, not the special interests.”

…led by the nation’s premier doom and gloom impresario.

If anyone knows ‘lost’, it’s Harry.

Um…

DUH.

Implementing the proposed bailout of subprime borrowers who face foreclosure may be so difficult that it will turn out to be no better than the loan modification efforts already underway, analysts said.

And why should this year’s resets be any more special than last year’s? What do you plan to tell those guys?

I Really Don’t See a Problem

…with the majority opinion.

…Out of curiosity, I boiled down the Jim Stevenson case and sent it to a few environmental-ethics professors. Most agreed with Callicott:

Shoot the cat.

The Trojan Moose

But locals wonder: can we a fjord it?

STOCKHOLM, Sweden – With little else to attract tourists, promoters of two Swedish counties are pinning their hopes on a truly gargantuan wooden moose.
When completed, the 148-foot tall, 155-foot-long moose will have a restaurant in its belly, as well as a concert hall, conference rooms and a shop, according to Thorbjorn Holmlund, project coordinator and local tourism promoter.
The monument to the moose will be so big that its massive wooden hooves will be firmly planted in two different counties, Vasterbotten and Norrbotten, about 540 miles north of Stockholm.

Sounds like yet another brilliant publicly funded project.


Bork-bork-bork!

(Antler-tip to the Blogfaddah)

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These?

As many of you know this summer we were blessed to have a certain friend from Down Under stop by for a weekend, and we had an absolutely wonderful time. I wish I could say the same was true of our latest visitor from Oz…
In a horrid display of Fair Play, last night my subconscious decided that I needed to dream that Kevin Rudd showed up at the house for dinner (quite uninvited, I might add); and not only did Kevin show up but his whole cabinet tagged along…and it pains me to tell you there ain’t an Elle Macpherson or Mel Gibson among ’em. Not a handsome bunch at all. So there they all are, wandering around Bingley Manor, helping themselves to all my wine (hmmm, there’s a Labor Morality play in that one), and Kevin is just droning on and on with that plastic look on his face, and they decide to play soccer. In my living room. Now, honesty forces me to admit that under the new Labor government of Rudd’s my house is far bigger than it was when Tim was here (well, at least in the dream), but, really, it’s quite cheeky to invite your whole cabinet over to someone’s house and then play soccer in his living room.
And drink up all my goddamned wine!
Bastards.

Sunday Morning Snow

A light dusting was very pleasing to wake up to!

Gets one in the Christmas spirit.

What I’m Drinking Tonight: Catching-Up Edition

I realize I’m been most remiss in my booze blogging; I’ve been taking the photos…mostly. I just haven’t gotten around to recording comments on every bottle like I should. So with out much ado here are many of the bottles that have been imbibed here at Bingley Manor in the past few weeks:

How could Mr. Bingley refuse a Bennet?

A little cork aids the digestion…

Read more »

“Hospital Seeks Brain Surgeon”

…No medical training required

CBS is getting desperate.
The network has posted an ad seeking a reporter to cover the “eco beat” – with some interesting requirements.
“CBS is expanding its coverage of the environment,” the ad reads. “We seek a talented reporter/host for Internet video broadcast. We are looking for smart, creative, hard working up and comers, who can bring great energy, creativity and a dash of humor to our coverage. A deep interest in the environment and sustainability issues will serve you well.”
So you would think such a job would require a science background or years of covering environmental news? Not exactly.
“You are wicked smart, funny, irreverent and hip, oozing enthusiasm and creative energy,” the ad reads. “This position requires strong people, reporting, story telling and writing skills. Managing tight deadlines should be second nature. Knowledge of the enviro beat is a big plus, but not a requirement.”

Send in that resumé today; we’ll have the New Republic vet your fake but accurate credentials!
And to enhance the position’s Gorezilla Appeal

Ironically, the ad shows irreverence to what kind of carbon footprint the job duties might require. The ad includes: “Be prepared to see America. Heavy domestic travel.”

You can’t make this stuff up, kids.

Image | WordPress Themes