Hell Is For Children

Barring that, it also describes life for my poor Bride with me.

But hey, Love is a Battlefield

We’ll see y’all at the Count Basie Theatre tonight!

For Bingley’s “Medicinal Purposes”

When one of my favorite magazines in the whole world loses its mind and retweets:

Bacon Jam

He’s Got A Career In DC To Look Forward To

Heck, maybe even President

BOSTON (AP) — A Harvard University fellow studying ethics has been accused of using the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s computer network to steal nearly 5 million academic articles.

Doing What They Were Elected to Do

Or at least trying to.

GOP Freshmen Come To White House Demanding Obama’s Deficit-Reduction Plan

With President Obama and Congressional leaders mired in behind-the-scenes deficit negotiations, a group of House GOP freshmen came to the White House this morning to publicly express their frustration and demand the president put forth a written plan outlining his proposal to reduce the deficit.

“We are coming down to crunch time. We need your plan… show us and show the American people what your plan is,” Rep. Tom Reed, R-N.Y., told reporters, and a few curious tourists, outside the White House today. “There was no written proposal for $4 trillion, it was all verbal… We need to see from the president, in black and white, what are your cuts, where are your increases in taxes. Let’s put it in writing so there can be no confusion as to where you stand.”

The group of roughly 20 freshmen have sent two letters to the president asking for his written proposal and today accused Obama of all talk and no action. “This president has done nothing but sit around and talk. Press conferences do not result in a plan,” said Rep. Tim Griffin, R-Ark. “We need something that the CBO can score and that we can analyze as a plan.”

…Responding to White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, who yesterday described the legislation as “Duck, Dodge and Dismantle,” the freshmen today said the president’s inaction amounted to “Punt, Pass and Kick.”

Hah! Oh, beauty!

Christie Press Conference Livestream

Sorry I’m late with it.

This Will Leave A Mark

Paul Ryan’s committee gives a history lesson.

But Then, He’s Just a Racist Vegas Thug, Right?

Steve Wynn’s latest conference call raised an eyebrow or two.

…You bet and until we change the tempo and the conversation from Washington, it’s not going to change. And those of us who have business opportunities and the capital to do it are going to sit in fear of the President. And a lot of people don’t want to say that. They’ll say, God, don’t be attacking Obama. Well, this is Obama’s deal and it’s Obama that’s responsible for this fear in America.

The guy keeps making speeches about redistribution and maybe we ought to do something to businesses that don’t invest, their holding too much money. We haven’t heard that kind of talk except from pure socialists. Everybody’s afraid of the government and there’s no need soft peddling it, it’s the truth. It is the truth. And that’s true of Democratic businessman and Republican businessman, and I am a Democratic businessman and I support Harry Reid. I support Democrats and Republicans. And I’m telling you that the business community in this company is frightened to death of the weird political philosophy of the President of the United States. And until he’s gone, everybody’s going to be sitting on their thumbs.

I’m thinking a big gaming commission investigation or, at the very least, IRS agents up the wazoo. Guesses anyone?

Via Treacher.

Borders Bites The Dust

There goes another nearly 11,000 jobs

Borders Group Inc. said it would liquidate after the second-largest U.S. bookstore chain failed to receive any offers to save it.

Borders, which employs about 10,700 people, scrapped a bankruptcy-court auction scheduled for Tuesday amid the dearth of bids. It said it would ask a judge Thursday to approve a sale to liquidators led by Hilco Merchant Resources and Gordon Brothers Group.

The company said liquidation of its remaining 399 stores could start as soon as Friday, and it is expected to go out of business for good by the end of September.

How’s that Recovery Summer working out?

The Last Piece of the Apocalypse Puzzle

…has fallen into place and the end is blindingly near. (I’d be buying bottled water and toilet paper on the way home from work, yo.)

Thomas Kinkade ready to exit dark period

The future looks brighter for the Painter of Light.

Thomas Kinkade, known for selling mass manufactured paintings in shopping malls nationwide, watched his Morgan Hill-based production company slide into bankruptcy court last year.

Now, the firm is planning a turnaround that includes several consecutive years of profit.

Stand the fudge by.

All HELL’S fixin’ to break loose.

H/T Brendan Koerner

Did Your Eye Read the Dateline of This Piece as “Wilber“

…like mine did?

Man Accused of Having Sex with Horse Arrested for Rape

(WILMER, Ala.) The Mobile County Sheriff’s Office has arrested a suspect in a burglary and sexual assault that happened Saturday morning.

Officials were called to a home in Wilmer after someone reported a burglary.

…Easley was arrested back in November for allegedly assaulting a miniature horse. The horse’s owner says when they found the horse, her head and tail were tied to a fence.

Easley’s wallet led deputies to him. It was on the ground on the horse’s stable with Easley’s driver’s license inside.

And a little horse at that? WHAT a sicko.

He should move to Enumclaw. When they let him out again, I mean.

HO-kay: NOW It’s Officially Creepy

Holy cow. (And yes ~ that’s the same “suicide” we were talking about just the other day.)

Son, Girlfriend of CEO Die After Incidents at Same Mansion

SAN DIEGO — The 6-year-old son and the 32-year-old girlfriend of a prominent pharmaceutical executive have each died in a span of less than a week, and both deaths were tied to his historic mansion on the San Diego Bay.

Max Shacknai died Sunday at a hospital in San Diego almost a week after falling down the stairs at the mansion, Medicis Pharmaceuticals, Inc. chairman and chief executive Jonah Shacknai said in a statement along with ex-wife Dina Romano, the boy’s mother.

The death came four days after his father’s girlfriend, 32-year-old Rebecca Nalepa, had been found dead hanging from a balcony in the house, authorities said.

The Rumpled Guy In The Wheelchair…

…stands head and shoulders above these puppets

Charles Krauthammer on Friday marvelously demonstrated just how in the pockets of Barack Obama America’s news media are.

After claiming on PBS’s “Inside Washington” that we now have a “completely compliant, pliant, supine press accepting every leak out of the White House,” he silenced the entire panel by asking them to name one specific cut to entitlements the President has proposed

Go to the link and watch the video. It’s a thing of beauty. They all parrot the WH line of “four trillion in cuts” yet become sputtering fools when asked to name a single cut.

(via Ace)

Lilies Marlenes

They’re finally blooming after three years!

Thanks Gregor!

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Big, BIG Party at Kcruella’s Tonight!

Her handsome soldier son and my adorable, much loved nephew Creature is just arrived home safe from a year in the wilds of Afghanistan.
Lookin’ GOOD, big guy! Give that gorgeous wife and brand new baby girl biggest hugs and kisses for us, too…when you get around to it, okay?

This is all tempered of course, by much love and concern, knowing our dashing Marine Nephew Scottster, Ave’s stepson, is on his way TO Afghanistan at this very moment. He is in our hearts every second ~ we’ll have to see if he runs into our dear Skyler there.

And Crusader’s little man is starting week three of Marine Corps bootcamp in San Diego.

We are so blessed to have such wonderful, incredible kids in this family. As I wrote Ave’s son when he was going through bootcamp, we go back to the Banana Wars in our family. He was pretty tickled to be part of that. And you’d think, especially Ebola and Creature growing up in military families (with ALL they go through), they’d run like hell from it.

I’m SO proud of them. They’re something, these young men.

They are something.

My Senator: There He Goes Making Sense Again

Nearly drives old Bob into apoplexy.

What? Is He Going to Assign Peas Police?

A cabbage constable?

“I want to look at it, I want to see the facts, I want to see where this vegetable garden is going…”

Glad they have the resources for that. Over the years, runaway vegetable thuggery across our borders has become a real problem. Next thing you know, the Asparagus Terrorist Foundation will be getting Stimulus funds for phoney garden operations and then…well…here we go again.

Via Instapundit.

As the Weekend Looms and Captain Kickasstic Continues His Headlong Assault on Whatthefuckistan

…here’s a few words from a thoughtful fellow to chew on.

…America in the second decade of the 21st Century is a superpower on a precipice, facing towering mountains of public debt, declining domestic and international confidence, and growing threats to its international security from the likes of Iran and North Korea. There is nothing inevitable about American decline, but the policies of the current administration are making such a decline far more likely.

As the United States grows weaker both economically and militarily, America’s adversaries and strategic competitors are growing stronger and more aggressive. A world without powerful American leadership built upon strong economic foundations would have been unthinkable just a decade ago. But the damaging policies of the current presidency are beginning to make that nightmare scenario a reality.

Happy Friday.

UPDATE: See? They’re starting to pile on. Happy Saturday.

“Like I’ve said from the beginning, 80% of the American people want this.
I don’t even need a highway. Hands up.”

That Wouldn’t Have Been My First Guess

Body Found at SoCal Mansion May Be Suicide

…after reading this.

The girlfriend of a pharmaceutical company executive was found dead at a historic California mansion, her nude body hanging from a rope on a second-floor balcony with her hands tied behind her back and her feet bound.

But it could be because, since I’m not especially coordinated, I just can’t visualize pulling that off.

TSA’s War on Grannies Continues

Well, Obama has promised “Granny’s gonna get it…”, right?

All I Can Say Is

…what the FUCK?!?!?!?

U.S. to recognize Libyan rebels as legitimate government

ISTANBUL–The United States has reached a deal to give Libyan rebel leaders full diplomatic recognition as the governing authority of Libya, after months of fighting to oust longtime ruler Moammar Gaddafi, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said.

The move – announced here Friday at a meeting between Western and Arab powers and Libyan rebel leaders – paves the way for the rebel’s council to receive some of Libya’s frozen U.S. assets, which total more than $30 billion.

“Rebel’s Council”. THAT bunch of guntoting, Toyota happy goatherders has NO MORE CLUE who’s in charge than OBL, and HE’S DEAD. But let’s give them $30 m [ths: FUCK!]Billion anyway.

I’LL bet it goes “POOF“, but, then again, I’m a cynic.

I swear to God, this administration is really under the mind control of Joe Biden. It really is. No other explanation for it.

You’ll Notice the Smart Frog In My Story Illustration

…is drinking like a fish.

Another Recession Is ‘One Small Shock Away’: Rosenberg

The US economy is teetering on the brink of a second recession—not a double-dip—even though the stock market remains strong, economist David Rosenberg told CNBC.

With unemployment high, housing slumping and Washington locked in a heated debt debate, the Gluskin Sheff strategist warned that it won’t take much to trigger another downturn.

“Everything is telling you how soft the underbelly of the economy really is,” Rosenberg said. “We’re just one small shock away from the economy going back into recession.”

What counts as a shock,
During the reign of Barack?
(Whose Vice President Joeber
Is a human pet rock)
With no sense of the future,
He’s taken us into hock,
Gives a rip about jobs,
Foreclosed homes by the block.
(And, oh by the way-
Iran’s in Iraq.)
Seniors first lost their stock,
And are now sweating their “Doc”.
(While Pelosi and Harry
marched on blithely at mach.)
The new “Or Gramma gets it!”
Must make their knees knock…
Filling your tank makes
you yearn for a Glock,
When you know any drilling
is under a lock,
And Obama SPR spew
is mealy mouthed crock.
There’s TOO MUCH to choose from,
So much Obama to mock.
What a shame it’s all tied
To a big DoomsDay Clock.

Yeah. Can’t even begin to guess what’d tip us over the edge.

In A Spirit Of Bipartisanship And Unity I Have Made A Sacrifice

Yes, to help our country in these difficult days I took one for the Team and made a release from my Strategic Bacon Reserve for my dinner last night. It was time to pay eat my Fair Share.

First let’s rend off a little fat and make these porcine strips somewhat easier to work with. Eight slices on a foiled cookie sheet

into a 400º oven for 10 minutes ought to do the trick

then remove to paper-towel covered plates for some draining action.

Why look! Some gorgonzola slices!

And some figs!

I think it’s time to make Fig Bingleys.

Did you know they have an advertising jingle? Perhaps you remember it from your youth:

Holy-moly
Gorgonzoly inside
Ain’t that cakey
But they’re bacony outside
Wrap the inside in the outside
Makes you warm and tingly
Your a pig!
Fig!
Bingley!

But I digress.

Oh, speaking of digressing, what to do with the extra bacon from the Reserve?

Let’s see, I was planning on having a steak tonight…

why not wrap that rascal?

And on to the grill

and let that start cooking.

Now back to the figs…lop off their heads and hollow out a little cavity

cram as much gorgonzola into them as you can

wrap with the partially cooked bacon

(and do notice how smooth my skin looks from the therapeutic benefits of fine swine juice) and affix with toothpicks

and on to the grill they go

send smoke signals warning that the cavalry is approaching

oh my oh my oh my

and thus disappeareth a pound of bacon

In a Strange Twist of Fate, After Only Being in Tucson a Couple Months

…Ebola has contracted Valley Fever.

Doesn’t that look weird?

I mean, my poor baby, of course.

But still.

UPDATE: Thank you all for your concern, but, ONE day after his diagnosis, a night’s sleep and disregarding the best medical advice the AirForce had to offer (like a month in quarters), my intrepid son was on his next secret mission for the country’s security: acquiring a virus known as H-A-N-T-A…

At least the medicine’s free for another four years.

In An Old House In Paris

That was covered in vines
Lived twelve little girls
And two pounds of gorgonzola