HO LY

SHIT

I am completely disgusted.

Fun With Your Own

…TSA Policy and Statement Generator. Pick your word, pop it in the generator and voilà!

TERRIFYING official Big Sis/TSA statement. Lemme show ya.

For instance, I chose the common word “Bingley” and out popped:

“Good news, folks! In order to reduce wait times at airports, we will be allowing certain passengers to bypass enhanced screening, based on our intelligence-driven assessment of a passenger’s behavior, consumer information, and of the passenger’s Bingley“

Ooooo! Naughty Bits Bingley!

H/T Gorgeous Amy Alkon

Man, I Miss These Guys

Roger Grimsby and Bill Beutel

They were the best.

A Poor Decision…

…leads to some really awful results

Acapulco, Mexico (CNN) — Arrests could come as early as this week in the alleged rape of six Spanish tourists in Acapulco, the lead investigator in the case told CNN on Wednesday.

Mexican authorities have identified the suspects and are monitoring them, said Marcos Juarez. Fifty investigators were working the case.

The six women were among 14 people victimized by hooded gunmen who burst into a beach bungalow in the resort town before dawn Monday. There are seven suspects between the ages of 20 and 30, Juarez said.

In addition to the rapes, the men stole cell phones, iPads and tennis shoes from the victims, investigators said.

Investigators believe that the victims bought drugs from one or more of the suspects a day or two earlier, and that the victims knew the suspects, Juarez said.

Bad decisions and poor choices have an unfortunate tendency to snowball.

Who Was The Idiot Who Started “Naming” Winter Storms?

It’s completely ridiculous and annoying as all hell.

Wile E. Pigeon

It’s difficult for the digital camera to capture, but the other day at a friend’s office a pigeon flew full bore into a window and left and Acme-like impression

Bumper Sticker of the Day Seen on the I-110 in Pensacola

I CARRY A PISTOL BECAUSE A COP IS TOO HEAVY

As my schweet niece says, “I need that.”

Had to Put Our 2008 Dell ‘Puter Into the Hands of River Styx Ferryman Last Weekend

…with all due military honors, of course.

After grimly vowing to hold out, days later caving and picking out a cheap-o replacement to be built on Dell’s business site, then being forced by circumstances to check the NEX for a possible immediate replacement (and finding a superior system for $179 more, w/ no tax or shipping involved), I bit.

Immediate and FIRM first impression?

Windows 8 sucks SO BAD, it blows.

Cue: “Flight of the Bumble Bee”

Thank goodness we have an administration with unassailable moral and ethical credentials in place when terrifying technology like this is developed.

Imagine if we had an Imperial Presidency and a Skulking, Secretive Cabinet, drunk on Executive Power?

Woof.

Things could be bad.

But this is America, they tell me, so no worries.

Saturday Night In SP

After our light lunch we strolled around Paulista Avenue a bit and, in true Gringo fashion, stopped in a Starbucks to re-caffeinate. Oddly enough, despite Brazil being the largest coffee producer in the world and also having a total coffee drinking culture there just simply aren’t that many coffee shops on Paulista; in other cities there are lots of places but for some reason (perhaps the cost of the rent) not here. So Starbucks it was and, for the record, they make their latte drinks here a lot sweeter than back in the US.

Dinner that night was at Tordesilhas, named for the treaty in which the Pope divided up the world solely between the Spanish and the Portuguese.

How’d that work out, by the way?

Anywho, the neat thing about this restaurant is they have food from all the regions of Brazil, from the Amazon down south, so you can taste flavors and techniques that you might not find elsewhere.

I, for one, could not resist a white wine called “Utopia”

but sadly, as has always been the case, what has been advertized as Utopia turns out to be, well, somewhat less, shall we say. But hey, it was alcoholic and cold…

We had some various appetizers, including some delicious fried manioc balls with parmesan

and some pastels that had ground beef and some that had cheese

to enliven the flavor they provided various peppers in adorable little Jars of Doom

having previously (and quite humorously as far as my Bride and Daughter were concerned) discovered that my tolerance for spice was not quite as high as I imagined it to be I wisely limited myself to leeeetle drops of the oil on the pastels; very tasty drops to be sure but also very delicately placed ones.

All washed down with some very tasty caipirinhas

Quite tasty indeed.

For the entree itself both my Bride and I decided that after 10 days of seafood and beef we sort of had a hankering for…chicken. One of the oddest, funkiest trees I have ever seen is a native Brazilian tree called the Jabuticaba. The fruit is delicious but it grows…out of the trunk. It is the strangest looking thing, and it also happened to be ‘in season’ so the menu had “chicken in Jabuticaba sauce with parsnip puree and peas”

The jabuticaba has a concentrated sweet/tart grapey flavor, it was an interesting and unique combination. The parsnip puree was wonderfully smooth and creamy and the snow peas were sweet and crisp.

For dessert I had three types of sorbets made from Amazonian fruits: acai, cupuacu and tapioca

and probably another caipirinha.

Public Service Announcement: Don’t Wear Your Tinfoil Hats Anymore

The little silver deelie-boppers on the top could be used to hone in on your position for a drone strike.

EXCLUSIVE: Justice Department memo reveals legal case for drone strikes on Americans

A confidential Justice Department memo concludes that the U.S. government can order the killing of American citizens if they are believed to be “senior operational leaders” of al-Qaida or “an associated force” — even if there is no intelligence indicating they are engaged in an active plot to attack the U.S.

See? They don’t even have to have “INTELLIGENCE” (Well, duh – they don’t anyway. Goes without saying.) that you’re doing anything other than bopping down the street with a dirty water dog in your hand, so WHY MAKE IT EASY FOR HOLDER TO TAKE YOU OUT?

I know I can’t get you to let go of the iPhone (GPS, people, screaming to the Feds “I’M OVER HERE!!”), but perhaps I can get you divested of your hazardous sartorial cranial frippery.

Recycle that bitch and LIVE!

On This Day in 1826, James Fenimore Cooper Did Me a HUGE Favor

He published a great book.

That led to…well…something ggrrrrEAT! in a loin cloth a few years later…

…and one of the most beautiful soundtracks ever to accompany a film.

A Paulista Saturday Lunch

So we had a weekend in Sao Paulo before flying back. The weather, even though it was in the very midst of the Summer, was cool and rainy, well call it drizzly really, so it actually was pleasant. A good friend recommended a driver so we took a little tour. First place we saw was the Cathedral.

here you can see the nice group of homeless ushers waiting to greet folks who stopped by

Brazilians like to joke that they truly believe in the Trinity; they are religious 3 times in their live: when they are baptized, when they are married, and when they are buried.

The rest of the time, not so much…as evidenced by the state of the holy water fonts at the entrance to the church

we drove around a little and saw the lovely Ibirapuera Park and strolled there but parks, whilst pleasant to stroll about, are boring to look at and anyhow all this walking made me think of food.

And if you’re thinking food at lunchtime then you are thinking the Municipal Market, a huge cacophonous den of amazing fruits (that are amazingly expensive), fresh meats, vegetables…

freshly made juices

and the absolute star of the show, what is perhaps the best sandwich you may ever have in your life, the Mortadella sandwich at the Hocca Bar

we also of course had perneil

and their also-famous bachalhau pastel

but really they paled next to the mortadella. The combination of the warm, salty, juicy meat with the slightly melted cheese on a warm, soft roll… Oh my. My Bride and I only got a few bites in before Daughter claimed the rest.

Punk.

The place was very very popular

The fruits here are just…well, bizarre

Some of them look like they were created by Dr. Seuss.

Like these:

those, my friends, are cashews in their natural state. Wild, eh?

As I’ve said, the market is loaded with all the fresh foods a well-funded cook could possibly desire, from fruits and vegetables to Happy Pigs

to all the bachalhau a feller could possibly desire

You’ll notice of course that they don’t list a “sodium content” for the bachalhau, as it’s approximately 100%…

Want some fresh suckling pigs or maybe a rabbit to impress that next date?

The market is a fun place to spend a few hours and have some great eats. We headed back to Paulista to walk around a little before dinner and there I saw one of those little things that just set my hear a-flutter

A happy day indeed.

Eh…What’s Up…

Barack?

Because it Is Verboten

A 2004 RNC Video

Read the sub-titles when Barney debates “FiFi” Kerry…

After All The Recent Food Posts…

…here’s a palette cleanser.

A Moment of Silence of One of the BEST Dogs EVER

Former First Dog Barney Bush dead at 12

Oh, not Barney!

I am in tears here, major dad is downcast and the Scotties are bereft. In typical Bush fashion, the former president’s statement is poignant and perfect:

“Laura and I are sad to announce that our Scottish Terrier, Barney, has passed away. The little fellow had been suffering from lymphoma and after twelve and a half years of life, his body could not fight off the illness.

Barney and I enjoyed the outdoors. He loved to accompany me when I fished for bass at the ranch. He was a fierce armadillo hunter. At Camp David, his favorite activity was chasing golf balls on the chipping green.

Barney guarded the South Lawn entrance of the White House as if he were a Secret Service agent. He wandered the halls of the West Wing looking for treats from his many friends. He starred in Barney Cam and gave the American people Christmas tours of the White House. Barney greeted Queens, Heads of State, and Prime Ministers.

He was always polite and never jumped in their laps.

Barney was by my side during our eight years in the White House. He never discussed politics and was always a faithful friend. Laura and I will miss our pal.”

The Unicorns Are in Charge

…and running the Lollypop Guild.

Despite court ruling, EPA raises biofuel estimate

…”The court recognized the absurdity of fining companies for failing to use a nonexistent biofuel,” said Bob Greco, director of downstream operations for the American Petroleum Institute, the principal lobbying group for the oil and gas industry.
Greco said he was astonished that EPA would nearly double the mandate for biofuel in 2013. “EPA needs a serious reality check,” he said, calling the mandate a “stealth tax on gasoline” and an “egregious example of bad public policy.”

Even though a court recognizes the “absurdity” of fines for non-use of non-existent fuels, the EPA doubles up the requirement of non-existent fuel you can’t get, so they can fine you twice as much for not using it.

I suppose that’s the plan.

?

Pay up.

How Now São Paulo

On a rainy Thursday we left Rio for São Paulo. The best part was this trip involved what may be my two favorite airports in the world.

We took off from Santos-Dumont

Santos-Dumont is basically an aircraft carrier, and the really neat thing about it is that when you take off from it the plane climbs and banks hard to the left immediately…

Because this is right at the end of the runway

then the plane curls around Pão and gives you a great view of Copacabana, Ipanema and Leblon as you head off towards São Paulo to land at Congonhas

Think of landing on an aircraft carrier floating in the middle of Central Park and that’s Congonhas: it’s set in the center of São Paulo and is surrounded by skyscrapers. You feel you could almost reach out and touch the buildings because, er, well you just about could. I’ve landed there in the midst of thunderstorms and it scares the bejeebus out of you.

It’s really cool.

So we arrived in São Paulo

and went to spend a few hours at MASP, the Museu de Arte de São Paulo. My goodness, what an incredible collection of really neat art they have: Rubens, Botticelli, Titian, Matisse, Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Hieronymus Bosch!!!!!, Monet…it just went on and on. I really wish we had more time to spend there; it was great.

But we had to go to dinner.

One of my favorite restaurants: Figueira Rubaiyat.

Wonderful steak, wonderful wine, impeccable service, all served under the arms of an absolutely amazingly ginormous Fig tree.

I took advantage of being in Brazil to have a great bottle of Argentine Malbec: Catena Zapata Angelica

They don’t sell it outside of South America. It is amazingly yum.

It went exceedingly well with the huge steak Daughter and I shared

Look at the size of the branches of the fig tree

and the trunk is just insanely huge

I didn’t want to be too Gringo-y and use the flash…

São Paulo has a much more formal vibe than Rio: there was nobody walking around in havaianas, everyone was dressed quite nicely for dinner. There’s much more of a professional New Yorky sort of feel to it, whilst Rio is more Miami in flavor.

But the eats in both are divine.

When the Orlando Sentinel is Airing These Defense Complaints

…you KNOW the prosecutor and media is rotten in Denmark.

O’Mara: State unlocked trove of info from Trayvon’s cellphone

New court paperwork reveals that prosecutors have unlocked a great deal more information from Trayvon Martin’s cellphone, including satellite-tracking information that shows where it was in the days leading up to his shooting.

But if it also lays out the teenager’s movements Feb. 26 — the day Trayvon was shot and killed by George Zimmerman — prosecutors have not released that to defense attorneys.

…”While the analysis includes GPS locating records for Mr. Martin’s phone for all of the time he was in the Sanford area, specifically absent is any such data from February 26, 2012, the date of the event,” O’Mara wrote.

“Maybe it’s coincidence, but I’m way past [believing it’s] coincidence,” O’Mara said.

There also seem to be missing phone calls and text messages, he wrote.

De la Rionda’s office did not respond to an email asking for comment.

O’Mara’s motion also complains about prosecutors not providing him information about the young woman who says she was on the phone with Trayvon in the moments just before the shooting.

She was 18 years old that day — not 16 as Martin family attorney Benjamin Crump identified her — O’Mara said, and prosecutors have not provided enough information about her to allow him to subpoena her Twitter and Facebook records.

The judge earlier authorized those subpoenas.

…O’Mara also complained about a long battle to get cleaner and more easily understood audio from a recording of the young woman made by Crump and ABC News in March.

The phone conversation lasted 26 minutes, O’Mara wrote, but the recording is only 14 minutes. It also has “at least seven starts, stops and edits,” he wrote.

Two weeks ago, he asked the judge to order ABC News and reporter Matt Gutman to surrender all recordings, notes and correspondence related to that recording.