Do I Sense a Shift

…in the winds?

…BP officials said they did everything possible, but a review of the response suggests that it may be too simplistic to place all the blame on the oil company. The federal government also had opportunities to move more quickly, but did not do so while it waited for a resolution to the spreading spill from BP, which was leasing the drilling rig that exploded in flames on April 20 and sank two days later. Eleven workers were left missing and are presumed dead..

The Department of Homeland Security waited until Thursday to declare that the incident was “a spill of national significance,” and then set up a second command center in Mobile. The actions came only after the estimate of the size of the spill was increased fivefold to 5,000 barrels a day.

The delay meant that the Homeland Security Department waited until late this week to formally request a more robust response from the Department of Defense, with Ms. Napolitano acknowledging even as late as Thursday afternoon that she did not know if the Defense Department even had equipment that might be helpful.

Ouch, ouchouch, ouch OUCH!
~ Homeland Security Secretary Napolitano explains how an oil slick looks NOTHING like Hurricane Katrina’s storm surge. Trust her.

(Well, the NYT story headline is, “BP Is Criticized Over Oil Spill, but U.S. Missed Chances to Act“, but that would just dang give it away.)

I’m a LOT of Things, Granted…But a Tin Foil Hat Type

…I am most assuredly not.

However.

A teensy weensy tiny whiny voicey woicey keeps whisperinga tad louder than the other voices in my head, asking “Why haven’t they said what blew the rig up, Mummy?” I can’t answer the voice. I can’t even give the voice examples of the various suppositions and speculative imaginings the media is so fond of when bereft of actual fact because…there hasn’t been any. There was an explosion, a big fire, it sank…and that pretty much was that. NO interviews with the crew. NO reports that the crew is being sequestered in order to keep them from talking to the press. NOTHING. An absolute dearth of information about the very genesis of what is shaping up to be an oily start to our week here.

Couple that WITH the news that “SWAT” teams are on up to as many as 30 rigs in the Gulf as I write this, ostensibly to “investigate” the cause? “SWAT” teams? The same “SWAT” teams who supervised rampaging grannies in Quincy, IL over the weekend? (WTF do THEY know about oil rig sabotage when they can’t even recognise a trio of patriotic geriatrics?)(OTH, “SEAL” teams I could see ~ they, at least, have some concept of explosions and water.)

Damn, it’s the weirdest frickin’ thing. Just what the HELL is going on?

It’s like the whole Gulf has sunk into a David Lynch series. Think I’m a little…loopy? Well…

…here’s Twin Peaks. And here’s…

…just offshore.

Just what the HELL is going on?

All Your Base Ass Are Belong to Us

…Within 18 months of passage, the Democratic proposal would have the Social Security Administration pass out photo I.D.s with micro-chips containing unique biometric identifiers for every American. Within five years, the card would become the sole acceptable form of identification required to begin a new job.

…Not to mention, the program bears the Orwellian acronym “BELIEVE” — for Biometric Enrollment, Locally-stored Information, and Electronic Verification of Employment.

Believe it.

If It’s Made From Soy Can You Call It Milk?

(mild NSFW warning)

God, I love live TV

For Those Swilling Voters In London

We highly recommend that this fellow gets your vote: Mad Cap’n Tom. We here at the Swilling have been big supporters of Speak Like A Pirate Day for years, and the Mad Cap’n, in addition to being a real pirate, runs the UK part of International Talk Like A Pirate Day. That, my friends, beats the dog snot out of “community organizing” for experience in my book.

Look at these other key policy stands:

-All rum t’be tax free.
Instead: a 50% levy on Cheryl Cole MP3s downloads.

I can’t bloody stand her music.

-All British schoolchildren t’be trained in swordsmanship an’ gunnery.

Half of ’em be knowin’ how t’use a knife already, this not be a stretch.

-Fix broken Britain.

A free roll o’ duct tape sent t’ all homes.

-Require Apple to rename the iPad in the UK.

New name: the iPatch.

Friends, as his site says

He has policies. He has experience.
He has a duck on his head.

The choice is clear.

Vote Mad Cap’n Tom.

You KNOW It’s Spring When the First Fragile Rays

…of punkin shine break through the fence.

All is right with the world.

Oh. Dear. God.

Open TV and Film, the London-based production company, is developing a TV mini-series based on Barack Obama’s days on the campaign trail.

Like his schmug isn’t on the tube enough, right?

At least the therapy I’ll need for the Agent Obamorange exposure will be ObamaCare paid for by the time the symptoms develop…wait.

Shit.

I feel itchy already…

May Day Coming Early?

Man, Manhattan, well, specifically Lower Manhattan and that bastion of Evil Monied Interests, i.e. Wall Street, is crawling with cops and the metal barricades; Broadway from City Hall to Bowling Green is one big metallic funnel.

I guess all the concerned-types will be out showing their OUTRAGE that Arizona is enforcing Federal laws that have been on the books for years?

Meanwhile those of us who actually, well, work during they day will just keep chugging along and paying our taxes.

Update: Ah, someone just told me it will be the unions protesting about financial reform. Great.

Update The Second: Oh great, now these asshats are planning on being here at 3:30 to completely screw up everyone’s commute. I’m outa here.

I’d Check The Gun

Sure, it sounds exciting

ONEIDA, N.Y. (AP) — State police say a Westchester County man was drunk when he was clocked driving more than 150 mph before crashing on an upstate New York road.

…Police say the troopers’ radar gun measured the car doing 153 mph.

But, seriously: 153 mph…in a Dodge Neon?

I’m somewhat skeptical about the accuracy on this one.

Everything You Need To Know About A Politician

You can learn right here

BLUNDERING Gordon Brown has been caught on microphone calling a voter a “bigot”.

The Prime Minister was heard describing an exchange he had just had with lifelong Labour supporter Gillian Duffy, 65 — on the campaign trail in Rochdale, Lancs, today — as a “disaster”.

Listen to him talk to this woman…and then how he describes the conversation afterwards.

Stick a fork in Labour…they’re dead.

A Party We Can All Support

Friends, these are fractious times for our Republic. At moments like this perhaps it is best that we remember our heritage and look back across the Pond to England for inspiration, guidance, and perhaps some fresh ideas to allow our democracy to heal itself.

We need hope.

We need succor for our sickened electorate.

We need CURE

They’re happy zombies. And you know why? Because we’ve just received word that the Citizen for Undead Rights and Equality has been approved by the Electoral Commission as an officially-recognised political party. Which means we’re able to stand for election in the forthcoming General Election. Democracy is alive and kicking, unlike those we’re seeking to help.

…As part of this, we had to include our manifesto. We wanted to say “well, it’s obvious: no-one is taking the rights of Zombies seriously, you idiots” but thought that probably wouldn’t get CURE approved as a political party.

So instead, we came up with these, which are pretty good:

* To give the undead equal rights to the living
* To make cemeteries more comfortable for its inhabitants
* To implement a robust social integreation programme for the undead, curing society of its prejudices
* To increase the minimum statutory retirement age to beyond death
* To permit the marriage of living and the undead

Mind you, zombies have had voting rights in Chicago for many years now…

Se-di-tion! Sedition!

Sedition!

MOUNT HOLLY — Walkouts, organized on Facebook, were reported from Rancocas Valley High School in Mount Holly to West Orange High School, with more planned throughout the day. Students in Newark were planning to leave class and march to the district offices.

It wasn’t clear how many of the state’s roughly 400,000 public high school students would join the walkout, but a Facebook page used to organize the protest had some 17,000 fans by Tuesday.

… “What we want to do is get attention to the issue and show primarily that the youth is not apathetic to the issue,” said Lauto, 18, an actress who’s especially concerned that arts programs could be eliminated.

The planned protest comes one week after a majority of school budgets were rejected for the first time in 34 years. Voters in 537 districts turned down 59 percent of the budgets.

These right-wing extremists are a threat to our democracy! They’re racists! They’re…

The battle over school funding has been especially acrimonious this year since Gov. Chris Christie’s budget proposal last month called for schools to see their combined direct state and federal aid decreased by about 11 percent on average — with many districts getting bigger reductions that that.

…protesting against a Republican Governor? They’re…they’re PATRIOTS!

OCEAN TOWNSHIP — The township school district does not currently plan to punish students who took part in a protest against school budget cuts this morning at the high school, according to Superintendent of Schools Thomas M. Pagano.

…Students involved in the protest are not currently facing punishment. “We have no plans to (punish students) at this time,” he said.

Huzzah for our brilliant, motivated, politically active students who are keenly aware of the nefarious forces at work in the world around them and inspired by Our Glorious Leader to make Bold Courageous Stands for Justice!

Elisa Jenkin, a 17-year-old senior at Ocean, said she thought a lot of the students participated without really knowing why.

“A lot of kids are just walking out to walk out,” she said.

… Eliot Mancini, a 17-year-old senior at the high school, said he was not impressed with the ideas behind the protest and also said he felt some of the participating students were walking out just to walk out, without any intention of “making a difference.”

“I think it’s a whole bunch of hot air,” he said.

There is some hope for the future, friends.

Quote Of The Day

…is from Lee Trevino who, “after giving a bottle-blonde spectator an amorous hug, quipped”

“You don’t have to worry about me—I’m out of pills!”

hehehehe

Maybe They Should Call The UN?

Gosh, I sure hope they have an “exit strategy” for this impending quagmire

Two state representatives called on Gov. Pat Quinn Sunday to deploy the Illinois National Guard to safeguard Chicago’s streets.

Why not have Chicago politicians put their fannies where their mouths are and have them patrolling the streets?

Better yet, doesn’t this sound like the sort of situation where Community Organizers could really shine?

Pop quiz! Which is safer for the National Guard: deployment to Iraq/Afghanistan or deployment to Chicago?

So far this year, 113 people have been killed across Chicago, the same number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq and Afghanistan combined in the same period, Fritchey said.

Where are the headlines in the NYT and MSM decrying this?

We The People

of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

That seems pretty clear, doesn’t it? The Preamble to the Constitution clearly lays out the key reasons for our government’s very existence and mission, among which it lists to insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.

By not securing our borders the Government has failed in this task, plain and simple. Regardless of your views on how restrictive or open our immigration policies should be; that is a separate issue from the fact that a government must secure its borders.

I’m not completely thrilled by this new Arizona law that’s got the some folks up in arms (oh wait, sorry, only racist Tea Partiers get “up in arms”), but I can understand the frustration and frankly disgust with the inaction on the Federal Government’s part that led to it.

Build the goddamned wall.

Build it now.

We must secure and gain control of our border first, then we can discuss and create an immigration policy that we can actually implement.

We Watched This Again Last Night

Damned if I don’t just LOVE this movie.

Obama’s Cowardly New World

…This is Obama’s World, where government always intrudes en loco parentis to save us from ourselves. Placing blame lets us ignore the real truth of just how scary it was in the bellyflop of late ’08, and how myriad factors combined to cause it.

So true. So scary.

Genius

Sorry. It is.

Bugs Bunny Would Be Proud

Be very wary if she sets the knob to “Extra Vixen”

ASSOCIATED PRESS: A Utah woman has been sentenced to 30 days at home with an ankle monitor for blindfolding her husband and promising him a surprise before hitting him in the head with a hammer three years ago.

Now, after I laughed at this I thought imagine if it was the husband who El Kabonged his bride; somehow I think the sentence might be a tad more severe, no?

So like any good sleuth I searched Teh Internets for some more info

Gustin said Ricks has no memory of the hammer attack because she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. But she knows she did it because she told a dispatcher about it during a 911 call, Gustin said.

Court records indicate the defense was preparing to claim at trial that Ricks was the victim of Battered Spouse Syndrome. Gustin on Tuesday declined to comment about trial strategy.

According to charging documents, Ricks and her husband, Joel Ricks, were out on a date when she drove him to her mother’s Holladay condo.

Saying she had a surprise for him, Ricks blindfolded her husband and led him to the basement, where she spun him around, told him to count to 100 and then began striking him with a hammer, according to court documents.

…Joel Ricks, who suffered only minor injuries, told sheriff’s deputies that sleeping bags had been spread on the floor under his feet, and that nearby he saw a 9-inch-long kitchen knife inside a plastic bag.

What the HELL?!?!? And she only gets 30 days at home?

Very odd.

It Was 30 Years Ago Today

…that my cosmic twin and I wound up together in Parris Island for boot camp. And we really couldn’t stand each other.
I’m glad we were able to work that out.

Happy anniversary, Kcruella!

The Downfall of “Downfall”

Yes, it’s another one of those “Downfall” parodies, but this one has an important message

Parody needs to be allowed; I won’t say “protected” because parody by its very nature defends itself.

And, seriously, had anyone even heard of this movie until the first genius put one of these parodies up?

Big Rousing Fight Over Salt Ban on CNBC Just Now Yields

…the Quote of the Day!

Ya know what you call a pickle without salt?

A cucumber.

Time to Put on Your War Face Again

Great News: Obama Tells Scott Brown Immigration Overhaul In One Month

To quote Lily von Schtupp: “I’m tired.”

Most School Budgets Defeated In NJ

Showing perhaps that they have finally awoken from the ‘do it for the children’ coma, or perhaps giving a hint that they’ve realized that that mantra means saddling those very same children with crushing loads of debt, most school budgets in NJ were defeated yesterday

New Jersey voters took a stand on school spending and property taxes Tuesday, rejecting 260 of 479 school budgets across 19 counties, according to unofficial results in statewide school elections.

In the proposed state budget he unveiled last month, Gov. Chris Christie slashed $820 million in aid to school districts and urged voters to defeat budgets if teachers in their schools did not agree to one-year wage freezes. The salvo ignited a heated debate with the state’s largest teachers union.

Christie said the cuts were necessary to help plug an $11 billion state budget gap.

In many districts Tuesday, the governor made himself heard as 54 percent of the spending plans were rejected, according to unofficial returns. If the trend continues, it would mark the most budget defeats in New Jersey since 1976, when 56 percent failed. Typically, voters approve more than 70 percent of the school budgets.

What happens next bears watching, because the towns can quietly ignore the results but I think a good and needed message has been sent.

This is clearly a big show of support by the public for Governor Christie and should encourage him in his efforts to tame the beast in Trenton.

Certainly schools and the Teacher’s Union are but one part of the larger problem of out-of-control government spending; he needs to maintain the pressure on them and train his sights now on the other unions and wasteful administrators and programs.

Harriet Tubman

The sexiest abolitionist…